After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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