I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
