shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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