I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
