her vagine was all disorganized.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
