I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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