Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
