our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
