The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
