i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
