dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
