If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
