Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
