wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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