My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
