p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
