I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
