i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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