wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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