I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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