they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
