yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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