This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
