No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
