LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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