i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
