Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
