if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
