I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
