a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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