I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
