Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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