My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
