The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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