Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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