She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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