It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
