Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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