false alarm. still invincible.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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