i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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