I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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