Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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