I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
