The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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