the condom got lost in my hair
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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