And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i think i scared a bird with my dick
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
