I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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