apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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