I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
