Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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