Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
