when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I sprained my soul last night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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