Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
