Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
