After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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