she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
