Banned from zoo.
Again?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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