is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
