I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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