she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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