Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
