Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
