This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
