We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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