One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
