I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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