Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
